Forum: empire-en
Board: [586] Off Topic
Topic: [75789] story
[-75789]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 10, 2012, 10:40 p.m.
please rate+comment if want more,
CHAPTER 1-The destruction of New York.
Jimmy woke, his head wet with warm sweat and blood. Jimmy tried to think why he was there, but he couldnt even remember his own name. After one hour of cramps, the pain subsided and he found strength to get up. He quietly opened a small door to his left, there was a vile smell coming from the Mountin of dead bodies. Out of fright Jimmy ran the oppsite way to an EXIT, he smashed it open and a ray of blinding sunlight shone through. as Jimmy went to move he felt a cold item on his neck and a voice said "freeze or ill shoot...." xxx
CHAPTER 1-The destruction of New York.
Jimmy woke, his head wet with warm sweat and blood. Jimmy tried to think why he was there, but he couldnt even remember his own name. After one hour of cramps, the pain subsided and he found strength to get up. He quietly opened a small door to his left, there was a vile smell coming from the Mountin of dead bodies. Out of fright Jimmy ran the oppsite way to an EXIT, he smashed it open and a ray of blinding sunlight shone through. as Jimmy went to move he felt a cold item on his neck and a voice said "freeze or ill shoot...." xxx
[1374210]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 10, 2012, 11:15 p.m.
please say if you want more xxx
[1374211]
xJadetsssx [None]
:: Aug. 10, 2012, 11:15 p.m.
It is good 
* but you only posted a little of the story ;(
* but you only posted a little of the story ;( [1374587]
Unknown
:: Aug. 11, 2012, 9:31 p.m.
good but i would not say great but good enof for me to want to hear more 
and u need to post more at a time
and u need to post more at a time [1374590]
Luke Fierysword [None]
:: Aug. 11, 2012, 9:42 p.m.
Sounds good...more?
[1374594]
huzaifa memon (INT1) [None]
:: Aug. 11, 2012, 10:06 p.m.
its pretty good... more?
[1374732]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:21 a.m.
Chapter 2 a new friend
"I should of known, Jimmy Carter, run away 27634 of New York City prison..."
"I'm sorry" interrupted Jimmy "I haven't the slightest clue of what you are talking about? I think I am suffering from Amnesia!"
The man sighed deeply, he removed the gun from Jimmys neck and came in front of jim. He was tall and wore a damaged leather jacket and some pilot shades.
"look around you Jimmy, an alien invasion took place here, last night.... I didn't believe it myself till they slaughtered my wife before me...." the man sobbed.
Jimmy looked around, only ruins of bulidings stood under the blazing sun.
"jimmy" he said "how about we put our past behind us and help the world to get rid of these hideous creatures...."
"sure"replied Jimmy"the past I can't remember...."
"so you really were suffering from amnesia, well I'm Nathan Gould former police officer please follow me"...
Please comment xxx
"I should of known, Jimmy Carter, run away 27634 of New York City prison..."
"I'm sorry" interrupted Jimmy "I haven't the slightest clue of what you are talking about? I think I am suffering from Amnesia!"
The man sighed deeply, he removed the gun from Jimmys neck and came in front of jim. He was tall and wore a damaged leather jacket and some pilot shades.
"look around you Jimmy, an alien invasion took place here, last night.... I didn't believe it myself till they slaughtered my wife before me...." the man sobbed.
Jimmy looked around, only ruins of bulidings stood under the blazing sun.
"jimmy" he said "how about we put our past behind us and help the world to get rid of these hideous creatures...."
"sure"replied Jimmy"the past I can't remember...."
"so you really were suffering from amnesia, well I'm Nathan Gould former police officer please follow me"...
Please comment xxx
[1374736]
Difer99 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:36 a.m.
A little too short, less good begin of the part otherwise ok.
[1374742]
SvetovnaSila [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:43 a.m.
level of creativity - 9.99 + the story is not too short and not to loooong
+ the story is not too short and not to loooong [1374744]
jackshipley [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:43 a.m.
2nd part killed it a little but intros got potential ")
[1374746]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:54 a.m.
Ok thanks guys... For constructive and helpful criticism and praise would you like part 3 now??xx
[1374747]
SvetovnaSila [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:56 a.m.
well, it would be fine to read it mabe :evil:
[1374754]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 10:05 a.m.
Chapter 3 the journey
"follow me" said Nathan.
All jimmy saw was ruins and blown up cars and lots and lots and lots of dead bodies. However the only building still standing was New York city prison.
"the journey to the prison is about a day long from here, sorry there's just some people I need to get.. Oh don't worry there not criminals there just staying safe in the. basement there until we were ready, meaning I found one more person... You" explained nathan.
." why do you need me.?" replied Jimmy.
"as well as being a police man for many years I also studied e.t objects.... And out of those me and my son Richard created 4 super human suits I found 3 others Hayley,Leah and james but I needed one. more... Jimmy if I'm correct you and the others could get rid of those things once and for all... And save the rest of the world.. Anyway it's getting late lets stop and rest"
"follow me" said Nathan.
All jimmy saw was ruins and blown up cars and lots and lots and lots of dead bodies. However the only building still standing was New York city prison.
"the journey to the prison is about a day long from here, sorry there's just some people I need to get.. Oh don't worry there not criminals there just staying safe in the. basement there until we were ready, meaning I found one more person... You" explained nathan.
." why do you need me.?" replied Jimmy.
"as well as being a police man for many years I also studied e.t objects.... And out of those me and my son Richard created 4 super human suits I found 3 others Hayley,Leah and james but I needed one. more... Jimmy if I'm correct you and the others could get rid of those things once and for all... And save the rest of the world.. Anyway it's getting late lets stop and rest"
[1374757]
SvetovnaSila [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 10:08 a.m.
not bad, not bad I like criminal stories :evil::D
I like criminal stories :evil::D [1374764]
xJadetsssx [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 10:24 a.m.
keep it up leah, this story is like you, amazing @[email protected] 
[1374862]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 3:15 p.m.
Thanks xxxxxx
[1374863]
Unknown
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 3:16 p.m.
Post quick so I can read be4 I'm banned........
[1374951]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 7:49 p.m.
i guess you like it then tron.....
chapter 4 why nathan?
"before we go into the prison nathan, may i ask you something" asked jimmy.
"of course" replied nathan.
"well you said i was a run away from prison? why was i there in the first place...."
"its complicated.... well ok, your mum and dad got divorced and your mum meet another man, but he was large and an ex criminal, and after 3 months you found out he was abusing as in beating up your mother. so won night you took revenge and murdered him, so basically you were in prison for murder. however his familiy threatened to torcher you so we also did it for your protection." explained nathan.
"really... wow... so how did i excape?"
" a gang found out what you did and offered to take you in... your hideout was were you woke... where i found you! well we are here. i have something to show you"
chapter 4 why nathan?
"before we go into the prison nathan, may i ask you something" asked jimmy.
"of course" replied nathan.
"well you said i was a run away from prison? why was i there in the first place...."
"its complicated.... well ok, your mum and dad got divorced and your mum meet another man, but he was large and an ex criminal, and after 3 months you found out he was abusing as in beating up your mother. so won night you took revenge and murdered him, so basically you were in prison for murder. however his familiy threatened to torcher you so we also did it for your protection." explained nathan.
"really... wow... so how did i excape?"
" a gang found out what you did and offered to take you in... your hideout was were you woke... where i found you! well we are here. i have something to show you"
[1375002]
NewHej [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:55 p.m.
part 1/the intro is my favourite part so far, rest is...ok. i´m looking toward to read whole the story:)
[1375003]
pink spartan900 [None]
:: Aug. 12, 2012, 9:56 p.m.
ok part 5 tomorrow xxx